The Devil made me do it!

Of late I’ve been picking random posts of my site to read. Mainly because I want to see if my writing has improved any at all. I used to love the What If? Challenge and tried to come up with something fun and quirky each week. This was one of my favourites, so in a fit of nostalgia, I am going to repost it.

I left the original details in so you get the idea what the challenge was. This was written in 2013, I wish my little brain could still think like this!


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This weeks Whatif? Challenge

What if you let your dark side take over?

An unfortunate event has allowed the Devil to own your soul. He has decided to give you a chance to get it back but to win it you must bring a smile to the Devil’s face with your actions. He allows you to have one full day in which you can do anything your heart desires without fear of consequences, retaliation, retribution or prosecution.

An unusual turn of events indeed. I have been pondering this one for a few days, well since Sunday, when the challenge went up. No one willingly wishes to court the Devil, so the conundrum is, how best to tackle this unfortunate event and in fact turn it to your advantage.

The Devil dislikes my body, he has no option but to use it as a host, so will spend endless hours fashioning it into a more visually pleasing and competent, super human vessel. Even without the option of choice, I will secretly marvel at my new svelte frame and flowing strawberry blond (gingerish) locks, some things it seems just cannot be amended. From the array of clothes that my new figure opens the opportunity of, I will select a black all in one jumpsuit, that clings to every curve and makes both womens and men’s heads turn. “Who are you?” they will say, awed by my presence and I shall reply, “I am the Ginga Ninja, remember my name, for it will be the ruination of many.”

Black Widow

The Devil turns his gaze from me, just for a few minutes. It seems his addiction to Starbucks coffee is just the same as any mortals. His lapse in concentration affords me the chance to substitute the list of victims he has provided, with my own.

He bids me farewell, a wry smile on his face.  It would appear he does indeed derive great pleasure from a soul in torment. I have 3 hours in which to perform 3 kills, if I am to make the Devil smile and regain my soul.

11.59 am

I slip into an apartment block just west of Sudsly Avenue. It is run down and dingy. Rats scuttle at my feet as I read the names on the mail boxes. Smiling, I mentally note the number and proceed to climb the stairs, mumbling about the fact that his nibs did not consider flying as an option, when it could have been so helpful. Stubborn bloody man.

Two henchmen guard the door, but they are no match for the Ginga Ninja and I quickly dispense of them and hide their bodies in the broom cupboard, giggling to myself about the cliché of it all.

True to his form, Bubbles the Beast McGinn is in the bath. It takes him a minute to realise I am there. “My boss sent me” I say. I am instantly recognizable as soulless, so I am not surprised by the look of shock on his face as I push his head below the water, holding it there until the beast bubbles no more.

12.45 pm

Lunchtime – Kentucky Fried Chicken for a Boneless Banquet for One – Gravy as the side. What ffs??? A girls gotta eat. This assassination lark is not easy and besides my feet are killing me in these high heeled boots!

2.30 pm

Destination downtown Dumpsville. A laundromat on the corner of Persil Place. The sign in the window asks for young female workers, promising good benefits and competitive rates of pay. Rita the Rinser has been using the same ploy for years to lull young girls into her lair. She promises them the earth before she drugs them and sells them on as either prostitutes or slaves. I spy her loading washing into a huge clanking machine and quick as lightening I am behind her. Again she can sense I am soulless and visibly relaxes, that is until I whisper in her ear, “My boss sent me” and push her headlong into the machine, setting it for boil wash.

3.05 pm

A quick call into Manicures for the Mighty. I need to look in pristine condition for my next job, the last on my list.

3.45 pm

A prestigious fashion house. In full stealth mode I hitch a ride to the top floor hidden in a rack of clothes. I see my prey hunched over, pencil in hand, sketching out the new seasons trends. Saying not a single word I snap his neck like a twig.

4.15 pm

Grabbing a Starbucks I head back to ‘Satan’s Shack’ a prestigious gambling establishment I know he with the horns frequents. Sure enough, there he is surrounded by women and being fawned over by men. I step forward and offer the Starbucks.

Me: “I’m all finished, can I have my soul back please?”

Devil: “Why would you even ask such a stupid question, you have just killed two of my most loyal staff members, how could you ever imagine this would please me.”

Me: “I thought you knew everything ffs. Every night those two pray to God to forgive them for theirs sins. Every night their excuse is the same, ‘the devil made me do it’. In the end they were going to be detrimental to your business, and besides you’re going to save a fecking fortune on bubbles and soap powder.”

Devil: (sniggers) “Dam, you made me laugh, and by the terms of our agreement I must give you back your soul. Get out of my sight, I never wish to lay eyes on you again.”

Me: “Suits me. Any chance I can keep the body till the morning though?”

Devil: “GET OUT!!”

I figure my svelte figure could disappear at any second, so I decide to make as much as I can of the little time I have left and head to my local pub ‘The Pearly Gates’. Peter my favourite barman is on and after greeting me with a smile he pushes a pint of water across the bar to me.

Peter: “Busy day huh?”

Me: “Sure was. Is the boss happy?”

Peter: “Delighted, he’s been after those two for a while, however he did mention the fact that you deviated from the original plan and added in an extra assassination. There were only meant to be two.”

Me: “Yeah I know,”

Peter: “So enlighten me. The first two I can understand, but the third one has left me a little confused as well.”

Me: (shrugs shoulders) It was just for fun, and pretty simple really, the devil wears Prada.

 

 

Getting to know me

I’ve seen the ‘Get to know me’ type challenge doing the rounds for a while now, but never really paid much attention. I’m not usually a fan of tag type prompts / awards, mainly because way back when I first started I had a few issues with Akismet thinking I was a pain in the arse robot or something else sinister. If you’re interested you can read why I choose to be an Award free blog here.

It’s interesting that I should choose to pick this up and complete it now, but after the last four years I too am trying to get to know myself. So I thought I would share.

There are a set list of questions which I will answer, however I have left out the part where you are supposed to tag others. It’s an interesting little exercise so if you think you might like to join in, please feel free to do so.

1. Who are you named after?

No one is the short answer. I used to be miffed because most of the ladies in my immediate family had ‘Elizabeth’ in their name and I didn’t, I’m just some randomer. I did ask the Fathership once if he knew why I was named Julie, but even he can’t remember. Shall we just go with the I’m unique line?

2. Do you like your handwriting?

Sometimes. Others say they like it and would class me as a very neat writer, I think it’s a bit all over the place. I can easily waste three or four pages in a book writing and re-writing until I am happy with the final result.

3. What is your favourite lunch meat?

Hmmm, that’s tricky and I’m not sure I could narrow it down to just one, so lets go for chicken, with a salad, or bacon with toast and a poached egg! Vegetarians please look away, but I do like Ox tongue too with salad, which everyone else thinks is gross!

4. Longest relationship?

That’s a hard one to answer when it was on and off over a large number of years. Condensed it probably wasn’t that long.

Without doubt the most difficult relationship I have had is the one with myself, that one I am still working on.

5. Do you still have your tonsils?

Why yes, yes I do

6. Would you bungee jump?

Hell no. Let me be more specific as to the reasons why. The main reason is black eyes from the potential bounce back from the boo……you get the idea. Secondly, my dodgy knees would probably just come apart, now wouldn’t that be a shock for those left on the platform, my DM boots hitting them in the kisser.

7. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

Generally yes, as I tend to wear boots a lot. Converse and the like probably not so much, those just get prised off with the toe to heel manoeuvre.

8. Favourite Ice Cream?

Chocolate, with Malteasers pushed down into the middle of it. Chop Pop if we’re going for the lolly variety :)

9. What is the first thing you notice about people?

Generally their footwear, being an introvert anything above the ankle is usually out of bounds if I don’t know then. Other than that, it would be if they wear a smile.

10. Football or baseball?

Neither. If you were forcing me to watch a sport it would most likely be rugby, there is something quite appealing about that game, or at least the men that play it ;)

11. What colour pants are you wearing?

Now is this UK ‘pants’ or American ‘pants’ because believe me they are two very different things. I’m going to guess that you’re not being rude and do in fact mean trousers. They are grey and black with Animal from The Muppets all over then. Don’t judge, it’s is a Sunday, the day for lounge wear.

12. Last thing you ate?

Please refer to question 8, it was a Chop Pop. Don’t tell my Doctor though, I’m supposed to be cutting down!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

13. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?

Oh black all the way. That’s just the kinda girl I am.

14. Favourite smell?

It’s not my bottom burps that’s for sure. Let’s go for freshly cut grass or clean linen.

15. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?

I prefer texting! But it was probably the Fathership.

16. Hair colour?

Strawberry Blond / light brown / gingerishly going grey probably.

17. Eye Colour?

Blue, but this week people tried to tell me they were green. So many in fact that I was starting to think I had been wrong all my life. But no, I checked, they are blue!

18. Favourite foods to eat?

At the minute Spring rolls from my local take away, oh they are sooooo good. That said, you just can’t beat a chicken dinner with all the trimmings.

19. Scary movie or happy endings?

Happy endings. Scary movies do bad things to my blood pressure and sleep pattern. I’m of a certain age now though that even happy endings usually require tissues on standby.

20. Last movie you watched?

Miss Perigrine’s Home for Peculiar Children. It wasn’t as good as I thought it would be, but I still loved it.

21. Favourite holiday?

I haven’t had one in the last 20 years so I don’t know. My memory is shocking. Edinburgh was always one of my favourite places to go, so I shall say that. The Fathership and I are hoping to go for a weekend at some point this year.

22. Beer or Wine?

Neither, I’m not a drinker. Coffee or water are my two main drinks these days.

23. Night owl or early bird?

Night owl, although the older I get there is less of a gap between the two. Sometimes I want to go back to bed about 10 minutes after waking up :)

24. Favourite day of the week?

Probably Sunday. Saturday is reserved for housework, Sunday is the day I actually try and not have to do very much at all, even though that rarely happens.

Did I cover everything? If not and there is still something you would like to know, then please ask? Within reason though, not even I can tell you next weeks winning lottery numbers.

 


If you would like to participate yourself, here is a list of the questions that you can copy and paste.

1. Who are you named after?
2. Do you like your handwriting?
3. What is your favourite lunch meat?
4. Longest relationship?
5. Do you still have your tonsils?
6. Would you bungee jump?
7. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
8. Favorite ice cream?
9. What is the first thing you notice about people?
10. Football or baseball?
11. What color pants are you wearing?
12. Last thing you ate?
13. If you were a crayon what color would you be?
14. Favorite smell?
15. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?
16. Hair color?
17. Eye color?
18. Favorite foods to eat?
19. Scary movies or happy endings?
20. Last movie you watched?
21. Favorite holiday?
22. Beer or wine?
23. Night owl or early bird?
24. Favourite day of the week?

Landscape

This week, it’s all about landscape photography. Show us your best establishing shot, out in nature or in an urban setting.

I’ve shared this picture before, perhaps even on previous photo challenges, but as pictures go, out of all the thousands I have taken this ranks among the top ten.  I call myself a lucky photographer, as in if I snap away for long enough I’ll usually get a ‘lucky’ shot. My little Nikon coolpix at the time had the ability to shoot in both black and white and colour, something I liked to do try sometimes as there was often a remarkable difference in the two.

This is Scrabo Tower in Newtownards, Northern Ireland. I believe scenes from the film ‘Dracula Untold’ were filmed here. My first shot was colour, I loved the dream like quality that made it seem like something out of a fairytale :-

ColourScrabo

Next I tried a shot in black and white which completely changed the scene making it dark and some how foreboding. At the time of the shot a bird blew in, completely by fluke, but I have been trying to convince people for years that it is real and not photo-shopped which is what they believed.

Scrabo2

We are fortunate here in Northern Ireland to have some amazing scenery. I myself still have lots to discover despite having lived here all my life.

~

Written for the WordPress Photo Challenge

Halloween Socks!

Some people have asked about other stories involving Polly Carmichael, this was by far her most exciting escapade, so as requested I am reposting. Apologies if you have read it before.
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“Polly Carmichael you are not going Trick or Treating dressed as a sock, and that is the end of it! What on earth has possessed you anyway girl, I’ve told you that you can have any outfit you want and you choose to go as a sock. Honestly, you and your imagination, it causes me nothing but trouble.”

Mrs Carmichael was not impressed and neither was a frustrated Polly, who with crossed arms, pouted throughout her Mothers lengthy tirade.

“But Mama I…….”

“But Mama nothing young lady, where on earth did you get this foolish idea?”

Looking anywhere but at her Mother, Polly whispered “Patricia.”

“Patricia who? The lady who runs the wool shop at the end of the street, Lemon Lime Follies?”

“Yes Mama.”

“Well at least I know you are safe when you are there, but what have I told you about walking on the road unaccompanied and what is it with your sudden fascination for socks, I just don’t understand!”

Ah, there it was, the question that Polly dreaded most of all.

How could Polly explain to her Mother about the wonderful lady in the shop who made knitting fun and told amazing stories of far away lands, dragons and ghosts. Who made the socks she knitted dance by the glow of the fire with her magic knitting needles as she served up delicious buns and sweets to be munched upon.

She had to go tonight and she had to be a sock!

For the last three months a secret war had been waging in drawers all throughout the sleepy little village of Cosy Toe, unbeknown to any of it’s inhabitants.

Sabrina De La Fibrè, on moving to the village had spotted a gap in the market for manufacturing socks. Patricia could knit, boy could she, but her socks were mischievous and caused no end of trouble during their creation. Although funny and harmless, their high jinx meant supply could not currently meet demand. Sabrina, a clever and calculating witch, wheedled her way into the towns good graces and became the number one supplier with her bright colours, bold designs and catchy slogans. However unlike the woolen socks born in the shop which were crafted with love and care, Sabrina’s synthetic fibres were laced with the misery that radiated from her cold dark heart!

On Halloween night they were going to dance anyone who wore them straight into the river to be carried away forever.

“Okay Mama, I will wear last years costume if you will just let me leave now, the festivities have already started” begged Polly.

“Oh for goodness sake off you go, but we shall continue this conversation. Do not be late!”

Polly grabbed the costume from the chair and moved forward like she was heading to get changed, but as soon as her mother turned away she darted out through the back door and ran as fast as she could all  the way to Lemon, Lime, Follies.

Patricia was already at the door and ushered her in, checking up and down the street to make sure she had not been seen. Giving her a warm hug and brushing the hair from Polly’s eyes she said “You all set?”

“Yep” said Polly with a smile and a salute, before climbing into the sock costume laid out in front of the fire.

Patricia lifted a basket from the table, lined with quilted fabric and as soft as a feather, set it on the floor, and proceeded to let out the loudest whistle Polly had ever heard in her life. A chorus of squeals and whee’s of delighted echoed all through the room as hundred of little socks emerged from the shadows, running, bouncing and somersaulting, before eventually diving into the basket.

“Be good little one’s,” Patricia whispered before handing them to Polly. “And to you child, best of luck. I have added extra love into the costume to keep you safe. We don’t have much time, so hurry along.”

Stepping out into the cold, Polly headed towards the town, keeping her head down and avoiding all the glances from the other trick or treaters. She could hear giggling and knew it was at her costume, but resolute she marched on knowing that she would have the last laugh tonight, god willing.

As she approached the town, she became aware of someone making a speech. Hurrying closer she realised it was none other than Sabrina De La Fibrè herself, courting the crowd who had become unusually sombre considering this was supposed to be a celebration. All at once, as if on cue the crowd turned and started to walk towards the river.

“Where are you going Jaded?” she asked the girl who had just become Poet Laureate. No reply. Polly tugged her sleeve trying to gain some sort of response. Nothing, nothing at all. With dead pan faces the crowd continued to march. The only sound that split the night was the evil laughter of the witch.

Knowing the time was now, Polly ran to the front of the crowd and setting the basket on the ground shouted to all the little socks to get to work. With yelps of glee and jumps for joy the little socks began to surround the villagers, encompassing them in a circle. The larger socks drew together to form a platform onto which Polly gingerly stepped. Clearing her throat she recited the words that Patricia had taught her:

Attention feet of all who stand,
Do you know to where you roam
You seem to be heading for the river,
when you really should be going home.

The evil lady tricked you,
There is a darkness at your feet,
feel how weary your legs are,
Would you not rather have a seat.

Remember the days of woolen socks
when your feet felt warm and safe,
not like that new material
that makes you itch and chafe.

Take off your socks and sit a while,
rest your weary heads,
and when you are feeling more refreshed,
head home wards to your beds.

One by one the townspeople fell to the ground, as if in deep slumber, smiles upon their content faces. The little socks jumped up and down with delight, until that is, they saw the witch approaching with a face like thunder.

Banding together they formed lines in front of Polly, a little army protecting it’s precious cargo.

The witch sneered and laughed, “Do you think you can stop me! NOTHING can stop me!!”

“Do you think so” roared the little socks as they started to unravel, joining and growing, binding and making the strongest rope the world had ever seen. Moving forward they started at the witches feet and wove a path up her body encasing her in a tight cocoon, so tight in fact she could not even scream. On and on they worked until not even an inch of her could be seen. Then they started to sing and squeeze. Polly could not hear the words, but the tune made her feel relaxed and happy, as the little socks squeezed and squeezed until eventually the wicked witch exploded into a million pieces that fell to the ground like black snow.

Polly felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see Patricia standing behind her. “Well done Polly, I knew you could do it, you certainly knocked the socks off them all!”


My entry for the Okay, What if? Weekly Writing Challenge. 

It’s probably not what I wanted it to be, but as I had no clear idea of where I was going with it, it will have to do. It has literally made my brain ache :)

Smiling Gratitude – Week One

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Two of the blogs I follow have come up with interesting ideas to help make us all feel a little happier in the New Year.

My good friend over at A Prompt Reply has started 52 Weeks of Gratitude and Trent over at Trent’s World has started Weekly Smile. Now I’m not saying I’ll be able to participate in both of these regularly, because we all know I suck at being regular, but I think that sometimes in the midst of the mire it’s not a bad idea to sit down and remember that there are good times.

Seeing as these two challenges are similar in design and I am strapped for time….busy…ok, lazy, I though I would scrunch them together under the heading Smiling Gratitude.

So what am I grateful for this week I hear you ask, well that’s simple, Blog Friends.

If I had never decided to start a blog (Yes yes Paul, thank you once again, I know you forced me into it!) I would never have met so many wonderful people.

Where else in the world would you get a community who just is, exists, and manages to do so without killing each other (that I know of anyway). Free advice, support, hugs and love come as standard and if you need an extensive knowledge base to question, well look no further.

They say you get what you give, but here, even on days when you have nothing to offer you still receive and are welcomed home with open arms after long absences.

There is comedy, drama, music, and entertainment a plenty.

This week I smile with an attitude of gratitude for all the friends I have met through the wonderful world of WordPress.

Hugh’s Photo Challenge – Isolated

I’m almost a week late to the party, but hey, I’m working on the old better late than never saying.

In his challenge this week, Hugh asked us to post a photo of something isolated. I have hundreds if perhaps not thousands of photo’s, but finding one was believe it or not quite hard, and then I remembered this one:

Whitepark Bay

Whitepark Bay is one of my most favourite places here in Northern Ireland. I love the wide expanse of the beach and how shut off from the world you can feel once you have made the long walk down.

If you look closely at the picture you will notice the figure of a girl sitting on the rock, I believe she was reading, and I remember thinking at the time, what an awesome place to sit and write, isolated from the world with nothing but the sound of crashing waves to keep you company.

He Won’t, So I Will

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I rarely check the Daily Post Prompts these days, but for once, being almost caught up on my reading, I did.

I think right now it’s quite apt, so I’m going to go ahead and complete the challenge, which is:

Right To Brag – Tell us about something you (or a person close to you) have done recently (or not so recently) that has made you really, unabashedly proud.

Have I ever told you about my best friend Lee? I know for sure I have mentioned him in posts before, but have I ever sat down to tell you about him and how amazing he is.

When people look at you like you are crazy and tell you that friendships cannot be formed with people you meet on the Internet, I’d like you to politely inform them that they are talking bollox!

Lee and I met on the Internet and have been friends for over a decade yet we have never met in person. It will happen someday, hopefully soon, but we have no less of a friendship because to date it has not happened.

Lee’s been with me through some of both the best and worst moments of my life. He’s resisted the temptation to tell me to eff off on many occasions when I was doing his head in and on other occasions wound me up so much that I was floating just below the ceiling. He gets me, and bless him, puts up with me.

He’s been through quite a lot of hardship himself over the last few years, but the thing is, he will always put others first. You have to trust me when I tell you that I am just one of a very long list of people who have love and admiration for this fellow.

When you have a big heart, you need a big body to hold it, couple that with suffering with Lymphedema of the legs and it makes it hard to shed any excess weight that you accumulate. It’s a battle in itself, but one that Lee took on head first when he decided to check out his options for a Gastric Bypass. There are people who will be judgmental and perhaps say this is the easy option for someone who suffers from weight problems, but they would be wrong. Both mentally and physically it is an uphill battle.

In order  to be considered for the surgery Lee had to start his weight loss journey on his own and mentally prepare himself. When you have a friendship with food, it is not easy to sever ties, but through dogged determination, Lee did everything that was asked of him and then some, shedding over and above what he had been asked, and securing his place for surgery.

On Tuesday the 21st July, Lee had his Gastric Bypass and started a new chapter of his life.

It’s not going to be easy for him, he knows this, but I hope he also knows that all of his friends are behind him every step of the way. He’s worked hard to make it to this point and the hard work will have to continue, but he’s determined and I have every faith that he will make it.

I hope that now you can see for yourself why my best friend is in fact amazing and when I tell you that to date his total weight loss is a whopping 17st, you will understand why I am so unabashedly proud of him!

If you wish to follow Lee’s journey you can do so here on The Fat Mans Blog

No coffee thanks just water!

If I was having coffee

If we were having coffee…….actually we wouldn’t be having coffee, it would just be you., I’d have to decline and have water instead. Someone gave me a bag of midget gems today and between myself and the others in the office we didn’t stop till there were none left. Now however I am extremely thirsty and I swear the next time I go to the toilet I am going to shit rainbows.

midget gems
Never had em? You should,         they are the dogs wot nots!

This week I’d probably spend a lot of time asking how your week has been because a) I care and yours is probably much more exciting and b) it will save me having to talk about my own. You’ll laugh and fill me in but eventually you’ll press me for details.

I’d tell you that I don’t quite know where to begin, or how to sort it into things that are fit for sharing on a blog, you have to believe me when I tell you there are details that you do not need to / would not possibly want to know.

I could tell you that my life has been all sex, drugs and rock and roll, but even you know me better than that…..damn it!

So where do I start, at the beginning I guess, and with headers too. Don’t judge, I’m having a day where I need to be organsied, trust me, it’ll not last long.

Work

I’d tell you that the last couple of weeks have been a roller coaster with more lows than highs. That said it is good to note that there are still some highs, even if they are few and far between. Everyone told me when I started this job over a year ago that it would take time and to give myself 6 months to a year to settle. Let me tell you, I’ve thrown over 365 days and a whole clock at it and I still feel like packing my bags. That said, it’s not all my fault, how is anyone ever going to learn and adjust to a job when it is constantly changing. Enough already, give me 5 minutes to catch my breath.

Food

You’d be able to tell for yourself that my love affair with both Pom Bears and Peanut M&M’s is in full swing. But with a look of steely determination I would tell you that I am soon going to break this habit and wean myself off them. I like the word soon, it is open to wide interpretation, it can pretty much be any day from now until I die. You need to slap me right now!

The Ships

The Mothership and the Fathership were invited to a wedding on Saturday past. Some of my friends here who also care for people with Dementia will know how important routines are and how even slight deviations can cause catastrophic meltdowns. Oh boy we had those, and then some, the Mothership does not cope well.

I’ve probably recited the details of the wedding and the plans at least 100 times in the last two weeks, had the outfit in and out of the wardrobe at least 25 times, had many varied discussions about knickers bra’s and tights, more wedding details, given my assurance I will be there to get her dressed, promised that the hair dresser will arrive and every other day up until Friday reminded her that I was going to give her a shower.  The shower thing might not seem like a big deal to you and I, but you have to understand, she has never had one before, always preferring a bath.

Friday comes and the mention of the shower has the same effect as a lit match being thrown into a cup of petrol. There was so much much fire at one stage that the Fathership and I were almost tempted to toast a few marshmallows. I had to think on my feet and use my preferred method, reverse psychology, telling her that if she didn’t want to shower and was content to go to the wedding stinkin then that was fine with me. Eventually, but very begrudgingly she agreed to go. There were tears, thankfully for once not mine.

I’d read up on this very subject before hand and tried to make it as smooth a process as I could and after the initial meltdown thankfully she calmed down and while not a pleasant experience for either of us, we made it through. I do however have to give thanks to the big man upstairs who heard my plea for help and sent down the gift of some calm. I am very grateful.

Yes, by the way, you’re quite correct in thinking that those are the details I will spare you.

On that happy note I would leave you without mentioning next week. The true test of a friendship is to find out which of your friends return when you have admitted to shitting rainbows.

Till next time eejits :)


Many thanks as always to Diana from Part-Time Monster for her open invitation to coffee every week. You can participate yourself by clicking on the link below:

weekendcoffeeshare

 

Me my skillz and I

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I thought it about time that I put finger to keypad and lay down some observations for my challenge over at Jed’s site Okay What If?

In the latest challenge which you can view HERE, I asked:

 Okay, What if you went to bed one night and the next morning you awoke to find you were able to do three things that you couldn’t the night before. That can be anything, new skills, new talents, give it your best shot.

As I am sure you can imagine the options are endless, skills that could make me rich, popular and successful to name but a few. Me, I don’t want any of those things, I’m perfectly happy being ordinary thank you very much.

So smarty pants, you quite rightly ask, what would your new skills be. Well if you hang around just a little longer I shall tell you.

Drumming

By this I don’t mean my fingers on my desk to express irritation, any Eejit can do that, I mean drumming of epic rock band proportions with actual drumsticks. I found out many years ago that the rapping of pencils on a bean tin while providing a nice little rhythm didn’t quite cut it.

I’ve always been fascinated by the rhythm and beat that someone with skill can extract from a drum kit. I was lucky enough in my younger years to have a friend in a band who excelled in this art. I was allowed to try a few times but the result was nothing short of horrendous, making the very foundations of the barn in which we were housed shake.

Sadly it quickly became apparent that while I liked rhythm, I didn’t fecking have any. It was then that my hopes of becoming a professional drummer were abandoned.

Sign Language

I would love to know sign language. I once had a friend whose parents were deaf and it was mesmerising watching him converse in what to me felt like a secret language. It amazes me that in schools they teach foreign languages yet do not offer something that could be more beneficial to every day life. I have a qualification in French but I’ve never been to France. I have however met people with hearing impairments who I wish I could have conversed with, but was unable to.

That said, there is nothing stopping me trying now, despite the fact that my wonky top box does not retain information like it once did. My friends daughter, the little girl who I adore can sign makaton and she is only four years old, I have been trying to learn little bits and pieces but I’m only up to a few words.

If you’re not sure how much better my learning of sign language as opposed to French would have been, then watch this video, yes it’s an advert, but just look at the reaction being greeted with sign language gets.

Sketching / Driving

Ok I realise that is actually two more skillz, but I’m balancing between what other people would want for me and what I would want for myself.

I can’t drive, it’s not something that I am proud of and I feel for others around me it is one of my biggest let downs. I just don’t have the confidence and even though I try to explain my feelings on the subject, no one ever really listens. I was never a great passenger after being involved in a couple of accidents, but what clinched the deal for me was later being involved in one where there was a fatality, albeit that it was not as a direct result of the collision. Perhaps someday I will pluck up the courage, but for now I get the shakes just thinking about it.

Of course, if I were to go to sleep one night and wake up the next morning just automatically knowing how to drive it would be amazing, but I would also have to receive an injection of confidence along with that injection of knowledge.

For me I’d love to be able to sketch and draw properly. I can doodle away to my hearts content, in fact I am quite adept at telephone doodling these days.

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But I’d love to be able to draw more than silly characters and eyes, don’t ask, I appear to have a bit of a thing for drawing eyes and half faces with wild hair. On days when the train WiFi is being an arse I’d love to sit and sketch away while listening to music on the pod. For now though I’ll just have to keep doodling.

What would your skillz be? There is still time to tell us :)

 

Okay, what if you were a mug?

I though it about time that I wrote a post for the challenge I set over at Okay, What if? You can get the full details here, but below is a quick summary:

Mug

If you were this mug, which is essentially a blank canvas, how would you decorate it to let the world know it was in fact yours? What would you add to stop your work colleagues stealing it? What would be your catch phrase or picture?

I love my mugs, perhaps almost as much as I like Penguins. I have amassed quite a few over the years, the problem being that they can be quite bulky and hard to store. My sister always brings me a new one from her holidays, originally Starbucks ones were my favourite, but since they changed the shape to something that resembles a bucket, they have have fallen slightly from grace. This however leaves room for new ones like my ‘Evelyn’s Coffee Bar’ mug from Canada, or my big yellow taxi one from New York.

I’m also a closet Dennis the Menace fan and have a couple of those mugs kindly donated to my collection by Lee. A Wizard of Oz mug that my Sister gave me due to the fact that I once played the cowardly lion in the school play, I’m afraid there’s no denyin’….

Anyway, I digress, back to the job in hand which is how would people know that a mug is mine. I am lucky in this regard, I’ve already bought or been given mugs that sum me up rather well. In work I have three favourites:

  1. A Penguin travel mug. Considering that my office is littered with penguins, everyone knows that cup is mine.
  2. A mug with the slogan ‘Proud of my attitude problem’
  3. A mug with the logo from my old blog ‘The Geeky G4mer’

All of these are recognisable as mine by people who know me.

As I sit here and type I am currently sipping from one I purchased myself just the other week while on a Wednesday shopping trip with the ships. If only you knew how traumatic that could be, you would forgive me for my spending of £1.99 on a little something for myself.

Geek Cup

I shall draw this to a close. Out of all the mugs I own there is one that sums me up perfectly and could not be more perfect in either look or description that was again bought for me by my best friend Lee.

Little geek cup

 

There truly is nothing better, I am after all indecisive and an Eejit :) The only other one I might need at some stage would be this one, so people would know when to back off!

Anx - Mug

So there you have it, if you haven’t given this a try yet, but would like to, let us know over at Okay, What if? what your mug would look like!