Self confidence or arrogance? 

I have no self confidence. 

Some of my work colleagues would probably not believe you if you told them this fact about me. Others who work with me closely are all to aware.

One of my hopes when I attended counselling was that I would be able to have a better understanding of myself and my lack of self confidence. In some ways I did, but I am in no way cured and every day is a battle that sometimes I’m just to tired to fight.

I will continue to try and see myself in a more positive light, but if I do, I want to make sure I am careful of this new responsibility, because I am genuinely curious as to when self confidence becomes arrogance, or even if it does at all.

I’m never going to be one of those people who walks into a party straight to the centre. I’m more of a sneak in and skirt along the sidelines until I find a group of people I feel comfortable with type of person. That kind of confidence I would love, the ability to walk into a room and not feel like every head has turned to scrutinise me.

Now please don’t think I’m being judgemental, because I am honestly not, it’s just that by not having any, I simply don’t understand how the concept of self confidence works and I am genuinely curious.

For example, if I sent you a picture of myself with the caption ‘Look at me, am I not just the most amazing person you have ever seen’, would you class that as self confidence or arrogance?

Just for the record, I’m not ever likely to utter a sentence like that, and if I ever did, I would fully expect you to give me a clip round the ear and ask me who the hell I thought was.

Or if I sent you a picture with the caption ‘I’m gorgeous aren’t I, I bet you wish you could be me.’ Is that self confidence or arrogance?

I read things sometimes and depending on my mood I either think, wow I wish I was brave enough to make a statement like that, or I think, seriously dude, did you just say that.

I do get there is a wider debate around this topic, because more than looks will make a person awesome. I mean I’m ugly as sin, but I make you chuckle sometimes, right!?!?

I’ve had little experience of online dating, mainly because any time I gave it a try it turned into a disaster, but if the intended object of your affection came out with statements like the above, would you give them a chance or skip on by?

I’m genuinely interested to hear your views, or to have you correct me if I’m barking up the wrong tree.

P.s I am NOT online dating, I’m only using it as an example :) I’ve enough feckin trouble lookin after the Fathership!

P.p.s I have never said what I used as my two examples, but they are messages that have been sent to me!

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70 thoughts on “Self confidence or arrogance? 

  1. Do people do that? I think if someone sent a picture like that to me I would shoot them the bird as I’m deleting it. LOL! If I were every going to send a person a picture of me with the caption ‘aren’t I beautiful?’ it would be the most awful picture I could possibly take, crossed eyes and straws as walrus tusks, etc. I’m weird, though, so possibly not the proper person to ask.

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  2. No matter who is was, anyone posting a selfie saying “look at me, aren’t I the best” i’d class as arrogant.
    Put that same caption on you wearing a cow costume? I’d laugh with you.
    Confidence is sharing a picture of yourself in a silly costume.
    Arrogance is demanding people look at you for vanity’s sake.
    Even though i’ve surpassed you in levels, i’ve never had any issue in following your directions in heist missions, nor has anyone else afaik, because you present yourself as very level headed.
    Finding out you had a mischevious side was a bonus ;)

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    • I’m not sure anyone has ever called me level headed before so I shall take that as a compliment. Besides I am only mischievous when you try to take your helicopter along to the Los Santos Connection lol

      By the way remember me to share with you the sometime the video of me with a cow face lol
      I agree, something funny then those comments would have been alright, but not for other pictures.

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  3. Hey Jules! I think having self-confidence is a good thing but with a slice of humble pie always helps. I know some people (in my own family) that have a huge, distorted feeling of what might appear to be self-confidence (arrogance), when in fact it’s just the opposite. Those that have to puff up their feathers are the ones that only do that because they feel people won’t like them if they show the world who they ‘really’ are. I think they should try to be true to themselves. Genuine is much better. Gee, I should shut the hell up now. What do I know? ;-P Cher xo

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  4. I definitely think there’s a difference between self-confidence and arrogance. I’d consider myself fairly self-confident but I’m fairly shy at times and it’s taken me a long time. I think self-confidence is being comfortable in your own skin. I hope I’m not an arrogant twat anyway 😁

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  5. There’s an important line of demarcation I think you’re missing. At least, for me it it’s there, and that is the focus of the comments. If a person is honestly (and briefly) giving themselves props for being awesome in some way without comparison to another person then it’s probably healthy.

    Photo captioned “Gorgeous me” = confident (also, thank you for complimenting yourself rather than hinting around at others to do it for you); photo captioned “bet you wish YOU were this gorgeous” = mean and douchey and now I am judging all of your other posts accordingly.

    Facebook status of “self brag: I just accomplished Amazing Thing and am crazy proud of myself!” is likewise totally acceptable and even cool; again, I appreciate that you’re doing some of the heavy lifting for me, because I have enough work to do propping myself up and can’t always be doing it for others as well. Status of “see, this is how much better I am than Other People: I RECYCLE!” is… well, you get the idea.

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  6. There’s certainly a very fine line between being confident and being arrogant. I to am not the most confident person in the world ( I’m still amazed at what I do for a job ) and would also much rather be the person who just blends in. But that’s a good thing. There was a saying that someone said to me once that goes something like ‘stay quiet for half and people might think you a fool for half an hour or speak up and say something stupid and people will think of you as a fool forever” something along those lines anyway. You’re you and that’s all you need to be!

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  7. I’d say both are arrogant! Send me a pic and say, ‘I think I look great today!’ Or “Feeling good!” that is self confidence. I’ve got it, sometimes. Part of it is my walk. I stand tall with shoulders back and as straight as possible and try to take big strides. It feels good. I also watch my body language when in an unfamiliar or uncomfortable situation, and make sure I don’t look like I’m scared or worried, even if I am!
    You have to have things you know you are dammed good at. Everyone does, even if it’s just good dental hygiene! Be aware of your skills and put those shoulders back if you think anyone is questioning them. Maybe I focus on the physical too much? Visible confidence even if you don’t feel it can lead to actual confidence, I think.

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    • There is no doubt I look awkward and uncomfortable in unfamiliar situations and you’re right adjusting the shoulders and walking tall would make difference. I’m kind of glad to see that others thing the messages were arrogant and it wasn’t just me though. It’s like I’m all for everyone being awesome, but I don’t need them to shove it in my face!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. If you had NO self-confidence, you might not have been able to manage the parent-ships the way you have or even make sure you take care of the essentials for living. You’d live in filth, forget to feed and exercise yourself, ignore work/responsibilities, etc. Basically, be an idle depressed person.
    I can be quite depressed and thus too tired–or not motivated–to do much on my own. But, I refuse to be idle and do not consider myself any lower in self-confidence than is apt to my lifestyle. If I had someone with whom I enjoyed challenging (myself), I’d likely try more new things, take more risks, learn from more mistakes, be more content with losing and be fuller of spirit, in general. But, for as little as I seem able to manage at the moment–with the lack of friends, love, etc. as I seem to have–my level of self-confidence is adequate. So, I don’t give it much thought.
    However, if you want to talk about looks, I’ll show you my nebulous skin and Hobbit feet.

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    • I’ve read all three comments….Yes, why can’t you out them all in one ffs! Lol
      See there’s another confusion for me now, because everything you refer to at the start of this paragraph I would class as low self esteem rather then self confidence.
      My reasoning is because if I have low self esteem and lack self worth I would care about my surroundings etc. Like I alluded to, it’s like opening a can of worms lol
      No thanks to the nebulous skin and hobbit feet, I might be disappointed were they more magnificent than my own!

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      • I’d swear I’ve shared these same words with you within the past year or two. I’m sure I’ve mentioned my Hobbit feet and said the same things about your confidence.

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      • You more than likely have, my anxiety and lack of self confidence is now part of me so I’ve written about it before.
        This post wasn’t meant to be about me, I was trying to use it for context as in, here’s what I’m like, I’d never say this.
        I guess it just depends how people read things :)

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      • Why keep the diseased tissue part of you if you can purge yourself of it? Or, is there a zen way of living with it as Banner learns to balance himself with the Hulk?
        It wasn’t meant to be about you, but it’s “what I’m like” in reference to you speaking as you yourself would. Hmmm…

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  9. If I had to define arrogance–which, I’ll admit, is one of those words that eludes me, too–I’d say it’s when you assume too much of yourself. It’s not so much about how good you think you look as it is about how you may think your looks impact someone else. If you say you look great, that’s self-confidence. If you say you look too good to be seen with Joe Shmoe, that is verging on arrogance. If you are proud of how you take care of your parents, that’s self-confidence. If you say no one else could do better than you, that’s potentially arrogance.
    Arrogance, or boasting, is what often gets certain figures cursed in Greek tragedies, like Ariadne who thought she could weave better than Athena and told the world she could. Self-confidence would have had her stop at saying she and Athena are both good weavers and foster the spirit of camaraderie.

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    • I get your points but as the previous comment I don’t think the fact I looked after my folks was anything to do with self confidence, it was a need, as in there was no choice. It’s interesting thought that even the idea of self confidence means different things to different people.

      I’d never be sending messages like the ones I received which I used as my example. I would like to think if I were drop dead gorgeous I still wouldn’t lol

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  10. Why couldn’t I make three comments all in one? I dunno.
    As for dating, online or otherwise, I suffer from terrible social anxiety which could be classified as low self-esteem. It mainly involves my busy brain predicting how events will play out once I either fail to present myself in a favorable light or find out the date isn’t just a pretty face but more than I could handle. I have dabbled in some online fields, and the cows did not come my way. Nor did any fish bite when I cast out many lines. I am inclined to say online dating gives people more freedom to look for “bells and whistles” they cannot detect on sight. And, alas, I don’t think I have enough of those particularly lucrative or physical bells that are heralded. Feeling rather average or below average, I neither care to “lower my standards” nor try to compete with doctors, lawyers, etc. who have the luxury car and summer home. Cuz when rejection is as easy as a “swipe to the left,” are the odds of finding the one any better or just less distressing, depending upon your perspective? And, who really wants to pay some faceless “wingman” to “hook me up” at a price when a good friend would do so much better?

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    • I’m conflicted by the online dating. Having similar anxiety issues to you I prefer the idea of being able to converse with someone and get to know them before meeting, mainly because you like to hope others also believe that it’s what’s inside that counts, but that’s bollox, there still has to be some degree of physical attraction.

      I did meet some nice people, but to be honest, most were just looking for random hook ups which isn’t my kind of thing.

      I’m ok being on my own most of the time :)

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      • Which is why I thought I was on the right track picking up people on my blog sites, message boards, chat rooms, etc. Unfortunately, that has not panned out, well, in the 15 years or so I have given it a try. It’s as if people are as put off or more put off by someone trying to befriend them without a bill than they are forking over the money and trusting some website to protect their interests.
        Random hookups as in “one-night stands” or just one-day lunch dates?
        I’m tired of being alone as much as I am; it can’t be good for improving anything any more than I already have with my level of discipline.

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  11. You are not the only awkward person around…you are actually surrounded by them, they maybe like you have ways of hiding that awkwardness…..anyway I think its about how you come across to others..its not about those feelings we have of others judging us, or we think they are…..the people who like you and maybe even love you are those who accept you as you are and don’t want you any other way. Its so easy to put ourselves down because we see our own perceived ‘failures’ as making us unlovable. What we see in ourselves is not always what others see. In time the way to deal with it is to accept the things we can change and what we can’t and if people don’t like that then you know where they can go. We are who we are Juls and isn’t it wonderful to think that in this forum we can be as intelligent as we want, a handsome/beautiful as we want and all you can do is take my word for it…lol

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    • Lol valid points.

      I find it so much easier to hide behind a screen, but I’m an open book, I always end up revealing too much about myself and who I am.

      In lots of ways my lack of self confidence does not bother me as much as it does others. There are areas where I wish I better, like where work is concerned, if only I had a little more faith in myself it would make my days easier :)

      That said, if i woke up stunningly beautiful one morning, I would still never want to be the type of person who sends the messages I received lol

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I think I can say that “I know you” – and if you ever sent me any pictures, saying what you mentioned by way of example, I would “know” if you had gone completely off your rocker and weren’t coming back.
    First off – I have seen you – pictures shared here and there – and ahem – YOU ARE GORGEOUS!
    And that’s a genuine compliment. Your eyes, although sometimes sad looking, smile back at the world with honesty, and humility. And your smile is lovely – engaging and genuine.
    So you’re shy, and feel awkward at times, and well, maybe one day, you will walk into a room, smack right on into the center, and announce your presence – or not – but self confidence? It can manifest in many ways and forms – and most of the truest, and lasting forms of it, happen behind the scenes, as it were.
    It’s about learning about yourself, knowing your strengths and weakness – and don’t be fooled, even the most successful, self-confident people on the planet have their flaws and moments of fright and lack of courage, where they too hesitate …. right, where was I?
    And it’s about learning to love yourself – just as you are – and if you choose, to try to work on the things, the elements and aspects that seem a little off to you – not to anyone else – but ultimately, to you; and it’s the wisdom to know when you should leave well enough alone, because it’s something you can’t change – ever – or maybe, it’s just not the right time and moment ….. but mostly, it’s a process – a slow steady climb, with step backs and step offs and moving ahead, and actually, self-confidence is the ability to just look at yourself with curiosity and wonder, and still love yourself, and know when it’s really okay, to laugh off one’s humanness.
    So sure, you’ll slowly learn how to be less shy, or timid, – it takes practice – but understand, some of the most self-confident people, are a bundle of fecking mess on the inside, it’s just that they can either b.s. their way through the moment, or themselves, enough to get by – and “fool” others …. but no one is 100% sure of themselves all of the time.
    As for arrogance? That’s born of over-inflated egos, and often, either deep abiding insecurity or someone who truly believes they are “perfect and right” all of the time, which is limited and limiting. And hey, guess what, you already know when someone is “pulling one over” and joking about, or whether they are fishing for a compliment because they need a true “vote of confidence” – or whether they are just being self-masturbatory – and social media? it’s rampant with a bunch of people who fall into that category –
    as to how you respond? go with whatever suits you in the moment – even a “Do I know you? or even WANT to?” should “stop” most people in their tracks.

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    • Lol I like that response, it’s subtly letting them know they are an ass lol
      My post was more about me laying the groundwork for the arrogance question, but people have offered some good advice. Thank you :)
      I need to learn to go a little easier on myself or else I will, as you say, go completely off my rocker lol

      Liked by 1 person

      • Feel free to wander and rock yourself right off, when you need to – because you won’t ever break apart – and there will always be some really good stories in it – it’s your humourous nature – besides, you have enough friends who will always show up and be there for you 😀
        sometimes arrogance is so open and obvious, other times, it’s really sneaky …. either way, when someone’s pulling something on you, you’ll know ….. and as for you? you know – when you want or need to ask someone whether “hey? do I look fab in this today? cos blimey, I’m feeling pretty good” – they won’t be reading you as arrogant at all …. it’s not a style you wear … and in the asking, even if you “top it off” with attitude, I’m sure you’d be laughing away, which is a dead give away – and it’s okay to you know, in an off-hand way, put the feelers out to some, to let them know, you need a bit of a nudge in the self-confidence or are hey- just feeling “tadaaaaaaaaa wonderful” 😀

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  13. My own personal take, if you’re confident enough to say something like either of the two examples, you had better have the pair to back it up. Saying “Look at how handsome I am” is arrogant if you haven’t been voted Sexiest Man Alive (or vice versa for the women). The rub here is that confidence is a personal feeling, something you create or destroy based on your own self-image. Arrogance is a perception others project on you through your words or actions. Can you be confident and arrogant? Hell yes! I’ve met plenty of arrogant individuals in my lifetime so far, but the ones that paired that with charisma and confidence were the ones that got away with it. The point I’m making is that it isn’t one feeling, emotion, or action that determines how we approach the world at large; it’s a combination of many things that balance out in the end. Struggling with a lot of baggage from my years growing up, I came to the conclusion that you will never make everyone happy and there will always be someone that dumps on you regardless of what you do. I choose to be around people who accept me for who I am, flaws and all, and who recognize they have faults of their own.

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  14. Hi!
    I can relate to this question in so many ways. Often times I get it confused too. I will ask myself if what I just said is confident or arrogant all the time. It’s frustrating. Especially when it is perceived as arrogant but you were just being confident. I get it.

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