Dear Mum, it’s May

Image by Michael Gaida

Dear Mum,

I’m sure you already know as I imagine you are keeping an eye on me from up above, but I’m tidying the house again. There is still so much to be done and not enough hours in the weekend, which is my only time to get things done.

I’m battling another headache, same as last week. Is it something about weekends or I just am heading towards the menopause a little faster than I hoped and migraines are collateral damage. It might be stress too, there have been a lot more changes in work. Perhaps it’s time time to read the handout my counsellor gave me.

I was folding some of your clothes today for the charity shop and I was thinking how happy you would be that someone was going to be able to make use of your summer skirts and tops now that we have been blessed with some sunshine. I was sad too when I lifted your cardigan and I could smell your perfume. It reminded me of the nights you used to go out, I loved walking up the stairs after you had left and smelling your perfume, a reminder that you had been there. I did worry that once I have finished this mammoth task of putting the house in order that apart from your photographs there would be very few reminders, but the reality is you are everywhere, especially in my heart.

I miss you. At one time I wasn’t sure I would, the last couple of years had been so intense that I thought perhaps I would feel nothing but relief, and I did, but I also felt the loss.

You’re always in my thoughts, but at night I smile and think about you when I brush my teeth, because you used to stick your tongue out at me when I tried to brush yours.

I’m writing because when I looked out at the garden I realised how happy you would have been to see it today. Dad mowed the lawn which is actually a decent shade of green for a change. You wouldn’t care much for the lawn though would you, you’d be more excited about the little cluster of primroses and you’d be walking after him telling he better not mow them down. Don’t worry, he was obviously thinking of you too, because he carefully manoeuvred around them.  Then you’d admire the carpet of Bluebells that through your haphazard planting now cover about 60 percent of the top half of the garden. Today I have to agree as I look out into the sunshine, they do look rather awesome.

Don’t worry about me, I’m good and still taking comfort in the fact that you’re in a better place and no longer suffering. I just wanted to let you know about the Bluebells because I wish you could see them too.

Love

Me :) x

 


A couple of weeks ago another blogger Holly shared a post and in it she talked about a song from Ed Sheeran called Supermarket Flowers. I can’t now listen to it without thinking about my Mum, such a poignant tune. Thank you Holly for sharing it in the first place.

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28 thoughts on “Dear Mum, it’s May

  1. Hi Juls, there will days like this one…knowing your mum is with you, in your heart of all places, is a comfort….its funny what we recall that brings a smile to our face isn’t it…..I used to get caught out thinking when I heard some news that dad will like hearing about that, then remembering that he was here to tell anymore….
    Take care of you, do all you have to do in your house….I remember one time reading that the dead are still with us, they exist in another room from us.

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    • You can rest assured that if my Mum exists in another room from me that she is no doubt filling those cupboards with more crap for me to clean too! :)
      It is nice to come across little reminders though isn’t it. Hope you’re well x

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m doing fine Juls…that she might be filling cupboards with crap is all the reason for you to go out and live, love and have some fun.

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  2. Teary-eyed. Your letter to your mom is beautiful. My mom is still ‘here,’ but not quite ‘here’ any more. She’s in hospice care, and my only wish for her is peace and freedom from not knowing how she is/where she is. I already miss her.

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