Beating (the crap out of) the blues!

 

Beat the Blues

I sat down to write, honest I did. It’s just that nothing would formulate in there, taps wonky top box. I started to tinker instead, cleared up the blogs I follow,  made some changes in Bloglovin and got caught up on some reading. It’s hard to believe how many posts can amass in such a short space of time. The weight of it sits heavy on my shoulders sometimes, even after all this time it still manifests itself as guilt.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me this weather, I feel like I need to give myself a good shake, but believe me, that’s a lot easier than it sounds. I seem to spend a lot of time thinking about where I would have been if I had not made some of the choices I did. I wake up every morning, ragged from restless sleep and for a few moments I forget what life is like and then it all comes crashing in and I feel swamped with that feeling of helplessness, scared to go downstairs because I am not entirely sure what to expect when I get there. Sometimes it feels like life just gets a little too big. I am a small hamster on a big wheel, running, but getting nowhere.

I can’t seem to settle either, I always feel restless. When I finally sit I feel like I should be up and about doing something else, making the most of my time, but that’s the problem it is MY time, and there is very little of it, I don’t need to have it peppered with feelings of guilt.

I went out the other day with my friends, I’ve not seen them for almost 2 months and we made the decision to go on a road trip. I was looking forward to it and especially to having a day away. In order to do anything at all however, plans have to be put in place to make sure the ships are fed, tablets are left out and everyone knows the routine. It often feels like it’s more hassle than it’s worth. On the morning in question I came down to make some breakfast and finish preparing the food I was leaving for their tea, only to be greeted with tears and things like ‘Oh I like it there’ and ‘I’d love to go there’ as if she never gets taken anywhere. The sad thing is the Mothership has a more active social life than I do. She seems to forget that not less than two weeks ago the Fathership took her in the same direction as I was heading and she threw a wobbler and ruined both her day and his, refusing to eat and just generally being obstructive. It was a shit start to the day, but thankfully my friends rallied me round and a great day was had by all.

I miss me. I feel like everything I write these days is negative. In reality I know it isn’t as I need an outlet for release, but there used to be so much more and now it feels like there isn’t anything other than work and home life and GTA of course, there is always GTA!

I know things will settle down again. It’s been a very up and down few weeks what with various appointments and eye Ops etc. We’ve been skirting around our normal routine and that pretty much upsets the apple cart. The longer hours in work are not helping either, but right now that is not something that I can change.

Please don’t offer me sympathy, I don’t need it, what I do need is a good kick up the arse, so feel free to administer one of those. The wearing of hob nailed boots however is prohibited!

I’ve followed a couple of blogs lately as I have liked some of the pieces others I follow have written for their prompts. I might give them a go sometime myself, I miss writing fiction. If you know of any other good ones let me know. I know too, that it has been a while since I put a new prompt on Okay, What If?, so if you have any ideas let me know, the question can be anything.

I know I’ve said it before, but hopefully one of these days I will get myself into a bit of a better routine, I shall make no promises, then I cannot be held accountable. I was thinking however that it has been a while since I let May out of her box, heaven help us all!!

Till next time Eejits :)

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50 thoughts on “Beating (the crap out of) the blues!

  1. Roflmao —- NOT at your post generally – but at the idea of letting May out – whoooo boy!

    Maybe that’s your much needed therapy????

    Look – I’m not going to say anything other than – Love Ya Juls – seriously – and lots of hugs heading your way.

    Besides – my wonky top box is all banged up – ya’d of thought I went to a right piss-up – but nope – seems I don’t even need to do that anymore to feel the “stumped up in the mornin’ an’ if ya say ‘TouorlooryeA’ to me, I’ll blubber like a baby or rip yer head off” – not sure which, would depend on the ale of the night before ….

    so rambling be done – and I’ll just leave it with – I AM so glad that you did have an outing with friends and they helped lift your spirits – hold on to those memories and laughs – I’m sure you had a tonne – so in the meantime —- Lots of Love and look for sunshine.

    (yeah, you can kick me in arse for that last bit, with Docs on – no minding ;) )

    (((((Juls))))))

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    • I like that cleverly crafted last sentence, it means you know I wear Docs, but you are also astute enough to know I can no longer lift my kicking left with the weight of a Doc on the end of it. I see you skipping off there thinking you’ve got away with it, but what, pray tell, will you do if I nail said Doc to the end of a brush shaft and chase that up your jacksy eh….what say you! lol

      Liked by 1 person

      • Roflmao – we must be “sisters” cause I wear Docs too XD

        Well, you can chase me all you want – I’ll play along – ’cause I’m a good sport that way …. you’ll be hobblin’ favoring lefty an’ I’ll be hobblin’ holdin’ me lower back an’ groanin’ like a cow in the fields ;)

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      • ROFLMAO — yeah, that would be us, eh? XD

        running like a bunch of hens in circles, squawking the whole time ….

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  2. Right come on there Eejit. I know you don’t want sympathy but you have a bit of it from me because that is the kind of person I am! However I am also giving you a large kick up the Jacksy with a pointy-toed shoe! STOP feeling so guilty and do what you want with your time!

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  3. I’d very much like to see the return of May, and the What If? challenges too–unfortunately I’m all out of ideas… :/ hope you’re keeping well

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  4. The only way forward is through….so you just keep on dragging yourself through till you see the light at the end of that tunnel (is an exceptionally long tunnel, isn’t it? LOL). But am so happy for the update on things. Nice to know you’re still there and still finding ways to have a life outside of your life, you know? As for the virtual kick in the bazoomba….. I think a once-a-week check-in of any sort might be a doable goal????

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    • I think once a week is do-able. Thing is most nights I want to write, there is just nothing to write about and usually by the time I get everything done and sit down all sense has left me lol I want to be better tho. Coming on here and interacting with you lot makes me happy and I realise how much I miss it every time I post.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Are you kidding me? You are living with ships like yours and you say you have nothing to write about? Are you an Eejit? There is A BOOK in that, girl! Get moving on it! You can find humour in anything, but really…..you’re sitting on a gold mine. Might also help you to vent to have to find the perspective to write it up. Yes, this is where you need to be, I’m sure of it!

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  5. What about the toe of a ridiculously pointy boot up the arse? They’re very bad boots, given me a flipping bunion – me who prides herself on the non-wearing of stilettos! We’ll get the photo blown up to 8 x 10 – like Father Ted kicking Bishop Brennan up the backside :-) :-)

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      • Have worn the coat twice! Would probably be wearing it more if it was actually Summer. Just in from inspecting the storm damage; there was a lull in the hailstones. The roof ridge is flapping, missing slates are in double figures. The delphiniums and other assorted plants are begging me to take them back to the garden centre!

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  6. Alright, you asked for it…

    Yes, you probably have made some less than awesome choices in the past. Leave ’em there. You can make better choices now and enjoy the results, but you have to make the conscious decision to do just that. So get off your ass, pull up your big girl knickers, and go grab the tiger by the tail. Roar woman, let them hear you ROAR.

    <3

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    • Hey! How did you know I wore big girl pants ffs…have I come out of the toilet with my skirt stuck in my knickers again ffs! Your post the other day, well to me it was the other day as I was catching up on reading, gave me hope, you’ve been through so much and still come out the other side, money problems etc, so there is hope for me too right ?!

      Liked by 1 person

      • There is always, always, ALWAYS hope. As long as you’re sucking oxygen you have a chance to make a change. We’re faced with choices every day and each one is an opportunity for awesomeness. <3

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  7. It’s hard to offer honest sympathy when I know what you mean about not being able to write and realizing that a lot of that is under your control. If you want to write you could give up ten to fifteen minutes of GTA to just do it, and maybe that’s part of my problem is that I don’t even get to play games very much. If you find the time you can write, and then all you have to do is move your fingers. Write until you are done, and wait for the ideas to come. If you write they will come, but first you have to write. You must pay your dues, lassie, else you cannot find your muse.

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  8. I’d kick you but my legs don’t stretch that far. I had a period like this after my stepdad died I felt trapped in a miserable life so I took a chance and hunted for a new job and got rid of some negative people in my life etc. You’ll pull through, we are all here for you xXx

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  9. I’ve been battling uphill against a depression myself. It’s really doing a number on me the past few months since this injury. I feel guilty doing anything but exercises…and then feel guilty when all I do is exercises which usually means having to sit in front of the TV which might sound like paradise to couch potatoes…but not me. I want to be more active. I can’t do exercises while writing a book or even playing a new video game. I did stretches while seeing the second Avengers movie. That was something to see…the stretches. The movie was okay, too :P

    As for following blogs, thems the breaks with thinking adding something to a shopping cart is as sound as buying with purpose. It’s easy to throw more on the grill but not so easy to consume it alone. You can check out a hundred books from the library because you like so many…but will you really read them all in three weeks?

    I feel surrounded by negative and starved for positive. I am sick of being negative, too.

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