The rights and wrongs of rocking!

Decision

I have to face facts, I am just not destined to have routine, order and a plan in my life. When I do, something comes along and knocks it for six.

I’ve been hit with a work conundrum, as in I have been given possible options and I have no idea which to choose. Suffice as to say it was totally out of the blue and when three hours later the shock wore off, my stomach was like a washing machine on spin cycle.

I know, without a shadow of a doubt I am my own worst enemy. I am told it at least once a week. I have myself convinced I cannot do something before I even try it. That said, I don’t tell people that I feel I cannot achieve something just to get them to disagree and flatter my ego. I tell people, because that it was I believe and the thought of change scares the absolute shit out of me. That said, sometimes a change is as good as a rest.

I lost my whole weekend (and valuable blogging time) to my best friend worry, running over scenarios in my head and trying to devise solutions to problems that may never arise. It is one of my worst attributes, from my point of view anyway, my work colleagues would no doubt offer some more were you to ask them. It is true what this quote says:

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.

Based on that, I rocked the weekend away and still didn’t reach a resolution.

The thing is, if I don’t believe in myself, how can I ever expect anyone else to. I take criticism to heart and shy away from compliments. I have no faith in myself and after 42 years it’s highly unlikely I am going to find any now. In an effort to improve I may have to invest in either a self help book or a bar of chocolate!

How do you know you’re making the right decision though? and do you believe that what’s for you will not go by you. Is it a case of kicking back and waiting to see how it all pans out and dealing with the consequences when they arise?

I’ve adopted that attitude today, because I needed to stop the chair rocking. It was giving me motion sickness.

Nothing may come out of all of this anyway.believe it was just someone putting out feelers to gauge my reaction, but it’s started a thought process that cannot be stopped. Knowing my luck right when I decide I  might need a change after all, the option will no longer be on offer. Only time will tell, and for now I just have to wait.

Now do you see what I am called indecisive! :)

P.s Yes! I know it could have been worse, I could have been handed my P45!

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24 thoughts on “The rights and wrongs of rocking!

  1. Well sweetie – I think some of us are compulsive “non-believers” in ourselves – and that has to stop. Seriously. A really good friend of mine not too long ago said something very simply and matter of factly to me – it was like being hit by a 2by4 – “if you won’t invest in yourself, no one else will either.”

    So sometimes, in life, you just have to say: WTF – throw caution to the wind – and just move. As in go for it. Over thinking everything through – all of the time – and yes, been there done it and still tend to do it when feeling completely defeated and scared – is already deadly. Might as well lie down and have some throw lilies at you. So, step one: change YOUR attitude. Instead of saying – by this age I’ll never have faith – flip it around fer crying out loud. Head shout it to yourself every time you start saying something negative about yourself – even if you don’t believe it – just keep on doing it until it’s your second nature – the message will eventually echo in – and you will start believing it.

    So okay – breathe now – and rest – but don’t be sitting on your laurels and driving yourself crazy – change it around – starting with you – and eventually, when the time is right, whatever will pan out or not – will or will not.

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    • Wise words indeed and I promise I will try, although I am well away from the stage of being able to stand in front of a mirror and tell myself I am wonderful. Perhaps someday I will, and even more importantly believe it lol

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      • Oh hell, I can’t do that whole mirror thing either – but every little single tiny words of “self-praise” really can make a difference – so in the mean time, we just keep on keeping on – be well my friend – and happy – *I* think – NO – KNOW – you ARE wonderful :)

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  2. Yeah, that’s a rough spot. I get the same thing when I have to make a big decision.
    For me, after I make the decision, I wait a day and see how I feel about it before I tell anyone.

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  3. I share your pain when it comes to decisions. But you know, there is no right or wrong because you can never predict the outcome. You can only try. And when you regret it later on, you should still keep in mind that at that moment it was probably the best decision you could make, given the circumstances and what you knew.
    That doesn’t make your decision still… So good luck :).

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  4. Yowza! I also think way too much, but I’m rarely that hard on myself. Why are you attracted to this new offer? Why do you think it was made (and try not to be negative)? You said two things in your post that made me thing you want it – a change is good, and it might be gone before you decide. Those both tell me you rather want to do it!

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    • I think they were putting the feelers out to gauge my reaction, but I think the moves being made are to facilitate others not myself. It would be nice to think you were being asked because they think you are capable and if that is the case I wish I thought I was as capable as they do.

      I’ve been saying for a while now I would like a change, but you never think it is actually going to happen. If however they put the feelers out and then nothing comes of it I might be disappointed lol

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      • I don’t agree. They wouldn’t have made any kind of approach if they didn’t mean it. Most likely they don’t have time to gauge a reaction, and want to know if you are interested right away. Of course they think you are capable. You’d only hear about it in the canteen a week later otherwise. Managers are crazy busy – tell them you want to try it right away, before they forget!

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