The Voice of the Weekend!

thank-god-its-friday

Pre accident, I was never a fan of ‘the weekend’, in fact all those cheery voices saying ‘Thank feck it’s Friday’ would drive me absolutely banana’s. The reason, well I worked a part time job, so there really wasn’t a weekend to get excited about. Post accident me however, is a whole different ball game, come 5 o’clock and I am jumping up and down and clapping like a seal. I have morphed into the very object of one of my own pet hates!

Sometimes I miss my part time job, but at the moment leg recovery and the situation at home are the main things stopping me from returning, that and I don’t miss the stress one little bit.

I’ve worked as a phone operator for taxi firms since I was 18 years of age. I’ve had 3 marriage proposals, all from drunk men might I add, countless offers of meaningless sex, date requests, flowers, oh and I’ve been threatened twice.

A vast majority of the town in which I live know me, or at least know of me, however only a small handful of them would be able to pick me out in an identity parade, due to the fact they have never actually seen me. They are, for all intents and purposes in love with the voice on the other end of the phone. The funniest thing of all has to be when you are in a bar and realise the group of guys standing beside you are actually discussing you, remarking on what a hot voice you have…..I tend to find things like that quite embarrassing because I personally can’t see the attraction. It’s fun though when they ring the next week and you casually ask them to stop discussing you in public and they are gutted beyond belief that you did not introduce yourself. You can never make them understand that the real life version does not match up to the ‘Jessica Rabbit’ version they have in their heads.

There is no doubt though, that the Irish accent does have it’s advantages, take this simple call with one of BT’s foreign offices for example:

Me: Hi, I have a problem with my modem.

BT Staff member (female might I add): And what seems to be the problem?

Me: It keeps turning itself off.

BT Staff member: M’aam may I ask you a question?

Me: Sure, what is it?

BT Staff Member: Are you a jockey disc?

Me: A what?

Bt Staff Member: A jockey disc.

Me: I’m sorry I don’t know what that is?

BT Staff Member: On the radio, a person on the radio.

Me: Ohh a Disc Jockey (I’m laughing at this point and so is she), no I’m not a jockey disc.

BT Staff Member: Well M’aam I hope you don’t mind me telling you but you have a nice voice, a voice for radio.

Me: Mumbles something incoherent to hide embarrassment.

BT Staff Member: I’ll send you a new modem and it won’t cost you a penny.

Me: Ummm thanks very much, you have a nice day I say as I hang up the phone, bemused and confused but getting a new modem!

By far however the strangest request I have ever had, and believe me there have been many, was a gentleman one night asking me had I ever though about branching out on my phone operator career. What do you mean I asked all ears, thinking he was opening a new firm and trying to poach me. When he told me I had the perfect voice to be a phone sex line operator, there was a stunned silence from my end of the phone. Sensing I was not too keen on his idea, he proceeded to tell me it paid £10 an hour, which in those days was really good money. At that point I might have given a small ‘Hmm’, and seizing what he perceived to be an opening he continued by telling me I would be able to work from home….wait….WHAT!!?? I had a quick mind flash of how this would pan out:

“Oh yes baby, it’s getting really hot and steamy now.”  – He doesn’t need to know I am doing the ironing.

“Mmmm honey that’s right, my lust is boiling over, oh actually wait, I’ll brb it’s the feckin spuds.”

I started to laugh at that point and told him I didn’t think that I was suited for the job, but thanked him for considering me.

So if you need anyone cajoled or you want to bargain with someone, I’m your woman, for a small fee I’ll ring them up and mesmerize them with my ‘allegedly” magic voice! I wouldn’t get too excited about it working though, because I am pretty sure that beer not only affects the goggles but hearing as well and in sober reality my voice is decidedly average!

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17 thoughts on “The Voice of the Weekend!

  1. I have a friend who used her voice to her advantage in a similar way to what your caller was suggesting. :D The office was in Dublin and she’d just read off a script in her silky voice. She said most of the people who called were just looking for someone to talk to, which I found quite sad. Still, good money though!

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      • That’s why she left in the end, she said she couldn’t cope the reality behind the seediness! She did also say that it was the easiest money she’d ever made, but some of us just aren’t cut out for the underbelly. ;)

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  2. Ohkay …. so you’re a phone sex operator on the sly ;)

    Right on babe!

    roflmao —- listen Eejit — if a whack of people are repeatedly saying that you have a superb “phone voice” — one that obviously melts chocolate and briefs or boxers as such —– then believe it.

    They can’t all be wrong.

    Lol — but I could understand how weird it would be to be in a pub and listening a gang talking about the hot sexy sweet thang on the other end of the line …. roflmbo —– at least you had the presence of mind to “call” them on it when they next rang ;)

    You go girrrrrrrrl!

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