Weekend Wonderings

I seem to go through little periods of thinking. I shouldn’t think, it’s bad for me.

Every now and then I will question my need for this blog or where I fit into the so called blogsphere. I don’t have a niche as such, I’m more a bits and pieces of everything.

When starting I suppose my intention was to be a humour blog, but then life changed and all the humour kinda got sucked out of it and me. I’d still like to think I am marginally funny, or at least working my way back to that point. But as a wise man once said, self praise is no recommendation.

I think I have changed since I started writing way back in 2013, I’m not sure if it is for the better. Somewhere along the line while looking for someone to adult I realised that it was actually me, I was supposed to be the adult, well that was a steep learning curve I tell ya. Someone needs to write one of those yellow books entitled ‘The Idiots Guide to Adulting’. I could certainly have made use of it.

I did grow up, I dealt with seriously injuring my leg, which led to my first ever surgery, followed by becoming  a carer, followed by perhaps a little depression and a whole host of anxiety from these past events. Through counselling I realised I was an introvert and that I more than likely have mild social anxiety issues. People keep telling me I need to push through and force myself to do more, but for me that’s like standing at the edge of a boiling cauldron with everyone urging me to jump. Why can it not be enough for people that I am trying!

What does that mean for this blog, does it mean that I have outgrown it and is it time to give up and move on, or does it mean that I just let it evolve with me and see where the journey takes us both.

I want people to read what I write because they are genuinely interested in what I have to say. But I also want them to understand that I am geeky and awkward and not always sure of how to reply to the awesome comments that are left.  I want to write whatever my wonky little brain desires without people worrying I am going to fall off the edge of the earth.

I’ve been enjoying doing some of the fiction challenges, they make me think, but in a good way. They challenge me to hone my writing skills and they give me something else to focus on other than the inside of this rut I seem to find myself in.

When do you realise that enough is enough? When do you realise that it is time to move on, or when do you stop building barriers for yourself and just get on with the job at hand. I tell myself that likes and follows don’t matter and I mean that, but the interaction does. I love this community and I would miss it.

So I stay, but I don’t really evolve. I wonder if six months down the line people would even remember who I was. Perhaps they would say, you must remember her, you know, the weird girl from Ireland with the ginger hair. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t find that offensive, I quite like being weird :)

Perhaps one day I will eventually figure out who I am. Then I can figure out what here is. And we can all live happily ever after.

Until then I guess I just continue to be happy, be weird and be an eejit!

My Way – FFF42

 

From the shadows she watched him play, his fingers caressing the piano keys, his voice caressing her heart.

She could still feel the pull of him, even after all this time. There was no denying she still loved him. 

It was comical that this was his favourite song. She was sure he had more than a few regrets and he had certainly done things his way. 

As the song ended and the audience applauded she stepped out of the dark. 

‘Remember darling, that when the end came I did it my way’ she said placing divorce papers on the piano. 

 


This is my entry for this weeks Flash Fiction hosted by Matt the Book Blogger. If you would like to give this a try, you can find all the information for this weeks challenge HERE.

More general information about the challenge can be found on his Flash Fiction Foray page.

Spot on 100 words, but it took a bit of effort!

I’m off to read the other entries now! I don’t like to until my own is finished!

Happy Sunday folks :)

 

Every Breath You Take – FFF41

 

Casey moved like her life depended on it, and it did. 

Every step was important and had to be carefully planned as she twisted and turned in time to the music. 

Her red dress floated around her form a gruesome gift from the one who watched as she pirouetted on the tips of her bright red ballet shoes. 

She couldn’t stop the tears that raked the mascara down her face. The audience however were in awe of the drama in the performance. 

Little did they know.

This certainly put a new slant on the old saying ‘Dancing with the Devil’

 


For this weeks Flash Fiction I think you might need to listen to the tune while reading. For a long time I wasn’t sure where I was going with this and then I got my idea. While listening to the music I could envisage the drama and deliberate movement that this edgier version of a well known tune would evoke from a dancer, especially if their life were to depend on it. My devious little mind always seems to go dark on these forays.

I’m liking this challenge and will try to take part when time allows. If you would also like to give it a try, then you can find the information for this weeks challenge HERE.

Dear Mum, it’s May

Image by Michael Gaida

Dear Mum,

I’m sure you already know as I imagine you are keeping an eye on me from up above, but I’m tidying the house again. There is still so much to be done and not enough hours in the weekend, which is my only time to get things done.

I’m battling another headache, same as last week. Is it something about weekends or I just am heading towards the menopause a little faster than I hoped and migraines are collateral damage. It might be stress too, there have been a lot more changes in work. Perhaps it’s time time to read the handout my counsellor gave me.

I was folding some of your clothes today for the charity shop and I was thinking how happy you would be that someone was going to be able to make use of your summer skirts and tops now that we have been blessed with some sunshine. I was sad too when I lifted your cardigan and I could smell your perfume. It reminded me of the nights you used to go out, I loved walking up the stairs after you had left and smelling your perfume, a reminder that you had been there. I did worry that once I have finished this mammoth task of putting the house in order that apart from your photographs there would be very few reminders, but the reality is you are everywhere, especially in my heart.

I miss you. At one time I wasn’t sure I would, the last couple of years had been so intense that I thought perhaps I would feel nothing but relief, and I did, but I also felt the loss.

You’re always in my thoughts, but at night I smile and think about you when I brush my teeth, because you used to stick your tongue out at me when I tried to brush yours.

I’m writing because when I looked out at the garden I realised how happy you would have been to see it today. Dad mowed the lawn which is actually a decent shade of green for a change. You wouldn’t care much for the lawn though would you, you’d be more excited about the little cluster of primroses and you’d be walking after him telling he better not mow them down. Don’t worry, he was obviously thinking of you too, because he carefully manoeuvred around them.  Then you’d admire the carpet of Bluebells that through your haphazard planting now cover about 60 percent of the top half of the garden. Today I have to agree as I look out into the sunshine, they do look rather awesome.

Don’t worry about me, I’m good and still taking comfort in the fact that you’re in a better place and no longer suffering. I just wanted to let you know about the Bluebells because I wish you could see them too.

Love

Me :) x

 


A couple of weeks ago another blogger Holly shared a post and in it she talked about a song from Ed Sheeran called Supermarket Flowers. I can’t now listen to it without thinking about my Mum, such a poignant tune. Thank you Holly for sharing it in the first place.

Everything works out in the end – FFF39

There’s light above me, but even though I reach out I cannot touch it. 

Sun rays penetrate the water and under any other circumstances I would admire their beauty. 

I feel weightless, yet I continue to sink, the story of my life surrounding me, notebooks, photographs and letters, everything documented, but never to be seen. 

Before all this happened, when you still loved me, you would have told me everything works out in the end. 

Not this time I think to myself as I look down at the concrete boots you have fastened around my feet. 

This is my end. 


Love the song choice this week from Matt over at The Book Blogger for this weeks Flash Fiction Foray. I’m really enjoying these challenges, I love just listening to the music and seeing where it takes me. It might help  too, if you listened to the song while reading, you might understand better where my wonky little mind was wandering to.

This week after a little tweaking I think I once again came in on 100 words. 

If you would like to try this for yourself, you can find all the information in relation to this weeks challenge HERE

For more information about the Flash Fiction Foray event itself, click HERE

 

 

What The F*** Twenty One Pilots?

How did I miss Twenty One Pilots?

Talk About Pop Music

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Twenty One Pilots

Sometimes I can’t actually believe that I have made it through my life without having heard a particular song, or of a particular song.

Such was the case with Twenty One Pilots and their song ‘Stressed Out’. It ended up on my Spotify playlist, I have no idea how, but I’m thinking perhaps it was divine intervention, I LOVE this song.

It’s laid back tempo, beats and catchy tune just became ingrained in my brain. So much so I got some funny looks on the train platform one night. Forgetting where I was I started to belt out the chorus….well I was stressed out.

I was intrigued and decided to check out some of their other tunes on Spotify, and what a good decision that was. This band who originated from Columbus, Ohio way back in 2009 have a discography of music that literally has a little something…

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That’s sound advice that is!

All through your life people will offer you advice. Some will be asked for and some unwanted. Some will be good and some will be unbelievably terrible and often times catastrophic if followed. But at the end of the day, we choose the paths we take throughout our lifetime. I’ve cocked up many times and have no one to blame but myself. However not all the advice I refused to listen to had life changing effects. Here are some of my more memorable / funny ones.

  • Will you slow down, this is not a race car and you’re only learning.” This was said by my Dad approximately 5 minutes before I crashed his Massey Ferguson tractor into a concrete post which was the only thing stopping it falling down a steepish embankment. We had a long slow walk back to the house to get the digger to rescue it with. There were a lot of apologies on my part and a lot of silence on my Dad’s which meant he was less than pleased.
  • You’re going to end up getting hurt” – Again said by my Dad. When we were younger my sister and I used to share a room which had two single beds. One night when there was a strong possibility I was pretending to be Dracula or some other mythical creature with fangs, I can’t quite remember, I placed two straws in my mouth and decided to hop back and forth between the two beds. I was going great guns and having the time of my life until I fell against the bed and jammed the top of the straws into the roof of my mouth. I ended up with my head hanging over the side of the bath spitting blood and my Dad probably saying “I told you so.”
  • “Don’t play with that, you’ll break it.” I’m not 100% sure if this is what my Sister said or not, but it was probably something along those lines, and it was in reference to the Sindy horse she received from Santa. I of course did not listen and proceeded to gallop said Sindy horse all over the house by holding onto it’s tail. Tail and horse seperated and I hid behind the freezer hoping no one would find out…or me for that matter me. There is another vicious rumour I fed her pippa dolls to the dog, but hey innocent until proven guilty!
  • “Pull the brakes slowly, they are not working to well” – Said  my friends father as I whizzed down the hill past his house on her bike. Of course I panicked, jammed on the brakes and flew Superwoman style over the handlebars putting my two front teeth through my bottom lip.
  • Never fall in love with a Scottish Dude” – It took me 3 failed attempts to realise the wisdom behind my friends words. What can I say, I’m a sucker for the accent!
  • “You really do need to study for your exams. Stop looking at me like that, I’m serious, you really do, I wish I had listened to the person who told me” – Oh the arrogance of youth. I didn’t study very hard despite hearing this sentence repeatedly from various sources. I failed most of my exams and had to go back the following year and do them all again. See I wasn’t lying when I said I was not the brightest pixie in the forest :) Many times I have passed on the knowledge in this sentence to others who are sitting exams only to receive the same look that I probably gave. Emphatic pleas and hand gestures follow, usually to no avail.

I’m sure there were many more pearls of wisdom and nuggets of knowledge passed along to me, but being old and not having a very good memory, I cannot recall them at present.

If only I’d seen this 20 or so years ago:

Before you act, listen. Before you react, think. Before you spend, earn. Before you criticize, wait. Before you pray, forgive. Before you quit, try.
— Ernest Hemingway

New World Coming – FFF38

For this weeks Flash Fiction Foray  Matt over at The Book Blogger very kindly used my music suggestion. Considering I had put it forward you would have thought I would have had a clue what to write, but no, it’s going to be as much of a surprise for me as it is for you.

If you would like to join in, clicking the link at the start of this paragraph will take you to this weeks challenge, or clicking HERE will take you to all the relevant information you require.  It’s only 100 little words :)

Here is my entry.

Music filled the forest as the mist crept ever closer, it’s cold fingers reaching from the sky to the very blades of grass beneath Polly’s feet.

‘I don’t like this’ said Teddy. ‘We’ll only go a little further.’

‘It has to be around here somewhere’ said an exasperated Polly.

And it was, it was just around the bend, a little door at the foot of an old and withering tree, with pebbles for a path.

‘Are you ready Teddy,  because once we go through, we can never come back?’

‘I’m ready, there’s a new world coming and it’s not good.’

 


I’d a couple of ideas for this one, I may or may not do another one. In the end though I chose my preferred characters, Polly and Teddy who I have had adventures with before. 

It’s not as easy as it first appears this malarky, but after much thought and editing as far as I know I came in right on the 100 words!

Once Upon a Dream – Flash Fiction

The song played low on the radio, it had an almost tinny quality like it was being piped through a loud speaker.

Unconsciously Leah started to sway to the music as she cleaned the old beans from the coffee machine. She was a girl easily lost to daydreams and the familiarity of things remembered from her  subconscious.

The bell above the door rang and turning around almost as if in slow motion she noticed him for the first time, his face unknown yet familiar at the same time.

‘Hey’ he said, ‘Don’t I know you?’

She smiled. A perk of the job.


This post was written for The Book Bloggers Flash Fiction Foray Challenge.

I love this song, it’s one of my favourites so I could not pass up the chance to participate.

If you would like to have a go too, click on the link above which will provide all the detail you need :)